How to Write ♣ ©winnie caw 2002
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1. Always avoid alliteration.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague (They're old hat).

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalise.

1. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than absolutely necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. Be more or less specific.

15. Understatement is always best.

16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

18. The passive voice is to be avoided.

19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

20. Even if a metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

21. Who needs rhetorical questions?

22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

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and Grammar quotations:

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.  

~ Winston Churchill

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When I split an infinitive, god damn it, I split it so it stays split.  

~ Raymond Chandler

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My spelling is Wobbly.  It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.  

~ A.A. Milne

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Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression.  

~ Bronson Alcott

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Correct English is the slang of prigs who write history and essays.  

~ George Eliot, Middlemarch, 1872

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Grammar is the logic of speech, even as logic is the grammar of reason.  

~ Richard C. Trench

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It's a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.  

~ Andrew Jackson

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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.  

~ Mark Twain

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Women are the simple, and poets the superior, artisans of language... the intervention of grammarians is almost always bad.  

~ Rémy de Gourmont

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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.  

~ Mark Twain

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Only in grammar can you be more than perfect.  

~ William Safire

***

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