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I have tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
~ Tallulah Bankhead
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
~ Groucho Marx
Sex is God's joke on human beings.
~ Bette Davis
Sex is work.
~ Andy Warhol
Sex is a pleasurable exercise in plumbing, but be careful or you'll get yeast in your drain tap.
~ Rita Mae Brown
The sexual drive is nothing but the motor memory of previously remembered pleasure.
~ Wilhelm Reich
It is true from early habit, one must make love mechanically as one swims. I was once very fond of both, but now as I never swim unless I tumble into the water, I don't make love till almost obliged.
~ Lord Byron
She kissed her way into society. I don't like her. But don't misunderstand me: my dislike is purely platonic.
~ Herbert Beerbohm Tree
Nobody in their right mind would call me a nymphomaniac. I only sleep with good-looking men.
~ Fiona Pitt-Kethley
Never tell a loved one about an infidelity...Although one dislikes being deceived, one likes even less to be undeceived.
~ Nino de Lanclos
It is better to copulate than never.
~ Robert Heinlein
What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white flesh.
~ Henry Fielding, 'Tom Jones', 1749
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and the sex was dirty.
~ George Burns
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.
~ Brendan Francis
In Spain, lust is in the air. There is nothing clandestine about the Spanish appreciation of sex, nothing inhibited or restrained. That is why there are very few sexual crimes in Spain.
~ Fernand Diaz-Plaja
Going to bed with a woman never hurt a ballplayer. It's staying up all night looking for them that does you in.
~ Casey Stengel
We tried it twice and it worked both times.
~ Robert Benchley (on sex with Mrs Benchley. They have two children)
Social confusion has now reached a point at which the pursuit of immorality turns out to be more exhausting than compliance with the old moral codes.
~ Denis de Rougemont
In the case of some women, orgasms take quite a bit of time. Before signing on with such a partner, make sure you are willing to lay aside, say, the month of June, with sandwiches having to be brought in.
~ Bruce Jay Friedman
Man survives earthquakes, epidemics, the horrors of disease, and all the agonies of the soul, but for all time his tormenting tragedy is, and will be, the tragedy of the bedroom.
Of all the animals on earth, none is so brutish as man when he seeks the delirium of coition.
~ Edward Dahlberg
For the butterfly, mating and propagation involve the sacrifice of life, for the human being, the sacrifice of beauty.
The ability to make love frivolously is the chief characteristic which distinguishes human beings from beasts.
~ Heywood Broun
After coitus every animal is sad, except the human female and the rooster.
I don't see much of Alfred any more since he got so interested in sex.
~ Mrs Alfred Kinsey
There may be some things better than sex, and there may be some things worse. But there's nothing quite like it.
~ W C Fields
The sexual organs are the most sensitive organs of the human being. The eye or the ear seldom sabotages you. An eye will not stop seeing if it doesn't like what it sees. I would say that the sexual organs express the human soul more than any other limb of the body. They are not diplomats. They tell the truth ruthlessly. It's nice to deal with them and their caprices, but they are even more meshuga than the brain.
~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
Sexual intercourse is a slight attack of apoplexy.
I could be content that we might procreate like trees, without conjunction, or that we were any way to perpetuate the world without this trivial and vulgar way of coition; it is the foolishest act a wise man commits in all his life.
~ Sir Thomas Browne
Physiological expenditure is a superficial way of self-expression. People who incline toward physical love accomplish nothing at all.
~ Salvador Dali
Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.
~ Ian Fleming
The man takes a body that is not his, claims it, sows his so-called seed, reaps a harvest - he colonizes a female body, robs it of its natural resources, controls it.
~ Andrea Dworkin
Nothing risqué, nothing gained.
~ Alexander Woollcott
Intercourse is an assertion of mastery, one that announces his own higher caste and proves it upon a victim who is expected to surrender, serve, and be satisfied.
~ Kate Millett
It is certainly very hard to write about sex in English without making it unattractive.
~ Edmund Wilson
We are not taught to think decently on sex subjects, and consequently we have no language for them except indecent language.
~ George Bernard Shaw
The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down there where it belongs.
~ D H Lawrence
As for the topsy-turvy tangle known as soixante-neuf, personally I have always felt it to be madly confusing, like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time.
~ Helen Lawrenson
My husband is German; every night I get dressed up like Poland and he invades me.
~ Bette Midler
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
~ P J O'Rourke
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
~ Mrs Patrick Campbell
Sex is not only a divine and beautiful activity; it's a murderous activity. People kill each other in bed. Some of the greatest crimes ever committed were committed in bed. And no weapons were used.
~ Norman Mailer
The act of procreation and the members employed therein are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species.
~ Leonardo da Vinci
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you.
~ Woody Allen
Coition, sometimes called 'the little death', is more like a slight attack of apoplexy.
~ Pauline Shapler
Chastity is sexual intercourse with affection.
~ Robert Owen
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.
~ Maya Angelou
Filth and old age, I'm sure you will agree/Are powerful wardens upon chastity.
The advantage of being celibate is that when one sees a pretty girl one does not need to grieve over having an ugly one back home.
~ Paul Leautaud
A man has missed something if he has never woken up in an anonymous bed beside a face he'll never see again, and if he has never left a brothel at dawn feeling like throwing himself into the river out of sheer disgust with life.
I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
~ Woody Allen
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
~ W Somerset Maugham
Lord give me chastity - but not yet.
~ Saint Augustine (354 - 430)
Sex ... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
~ Lord Chesterfield
In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world, it is a fact.
~ Marlene Dietrich
If your life at night is good, you think you have everything.
Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
I think that making love is the best form of exercise.
~ Cary Grant
The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex.
~ Hugh Hefner
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
What is a playboy? It is usually someone who is getting more sex than you are.
~ Victor Lowndes
You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex.
~ Mary McCarthy
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
~ Bette Midler
I tried to charm the pants off Bob Dylan, but everyone will be disappointed to learn that I was unsuccessful. I got close - a couple of fast feels in the front seat of a Cadillac.
~ Bette Midler
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
~ Henry Miller
I have never liked sex. I do not think I ever will. It just seems the opposite of love.
~ Marilyn Monroe
The orgasm has replaced the cross as the focus of longing and fulfillment.
~ Malcolm Muggeridge
Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
~ Jackie Onassis
There are two kinds of women; those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed.
~ Jackie Onassis
The reason most people sweat is so they will not catch fire when they are making love.
~ Don Rose
The backseat produced the sexual revolution.
~ Jerry Rubin
Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love.
~ Bertrand Russell
Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small.
Sex has become one of the most discussed subjects of modern times. The Victorians pretended it did not exist; the moderns pretend nothing else exists.
~ Fulton J Sheen
There will be sex after death, we will just not be able to feel it.
~ Lily Tomlin
Sex is an emotion in motion.
~ Mae West
Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.
~ Katherine Whitehorn
lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying,
"Relax ... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients.";
but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian"
~ Dick Wilson
Sex is the tabasco sauce which an adolescent national palate sprinkles on every course on the menu.
~ Mary Day Winn
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
Bed is the poor man's opera.
If sex is so personal, why do we have to share it with someone?
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
~ Woody Allen
Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl.
~ Jack Woodford