IN THE MOVIES winnie caw 2003
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Nonsense Poems, Rhymes and Silliness

1. Hotel rooms have special L shaped sheets, which come up to a woman's armpits, but only to the waist on a man.

2. On starships, if the computer behaves erratically it is bound to be some new and unknown form of life which has been taken home in the circuits. It's not worth checking the fusebox or the manual.

3.Any actor with an English accent (other than Hugh Grant) is bound to be the villain.

4. American teenagers, when faced with lethal situations, will invariably
wander off in ones or twos into dark corners rather than stick together in
safety.

5. The uniformed Police will keep out of the way while the bad guy shoots
loads of hostages, downs a couple of helicopters, launches the odd cruise missile etc but will invariably turn up just in time to catch the good guy in a compromising situation and wrongfully arrest him, or perhaps seconds after he has finished off the last villain.

6. Telephone conversations from the on-screen side are at full speed. The
off-screen party talks at 500 words per minute.

7. All handguns have 2,000 round magazines.

8. Megalomaniacs will never kill their adversaries directly with a gun.
Instead, they will invariably leave them to the mercy of some Heath-Robinson type killing machine, or under the guard of a couple of young girls in
leather bikinis.

9. If the very existence of mankind is threatened, there will be no chance
of salvation until the last 10 minutes when a scientific innovation which
would normally have taken decades is put together in 30 seconds- usually with the help of a former serviceman turned farmer/priest/cook who miraculously restores his faith in humanity and wipes out a massively superior force in seconds.

10. If a woman has blonde hair, she is a sex object. If she is a brunette,
she is a mother figure.

11. If the hero is surrounded by villains, they will each attack him one at a time, while the others bounce around on their feet waiting for the current attacker to be killed. Not one of them will have the presence of mind to shoot him or lob in a hand grenade.

12. There is no problem so complex that it cannot be solved by the use of automatic firearms. This even works against problems of an occult or spiritual nature.

13. Timers always stop at 1.

14. The time of death of a body can be determined within three or four minutes.

15. Vaccines can be created in twenty minutes and require no testing to be 100% effective.

16. Cloning takes a maximum of five minutes. Cloned individuals know everything that the originator of their DNA knows.

17. All aliens speak English.

18. All foreigners speak English, but with a funny accent.

19. A spaceship can be made to go faster by wiring the engine to the radio.

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