MEN! and Manspeak ©winnie caw 2002
(follow the arrows below for more of winnie caw's whimsy, or click on a link)

Home Page

Search Engine - find anything on whimsy pages

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they might have been.

~ William Hazlitt

*****

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

~ Nicole Hollander

*****

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

~ Rita Mae Brown

*****

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealing with men.

~ Joseph Conrad

*****

Men are genetically inferior to women.

~ Andrea Lynne

*****

There was, I think, never any reason to believe in any innate superiority of the male, except in his superior muscle.

~ Bertrand Russell

*****

Think what cowards men would be if they had to bear children. Women are altogether a superior species.

~ George Bernard Shaw

*****

Most men do not mature, they simply grow taller.

~ Leo Rosten

*****

Men are but children, too, though they have gray hairs; they are only of a larger size.

~ Seneca

*****

I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.

~ Brigid Brophy

*****

Men are too emotional to vote. Their conduct at baseball games and political conventions shows this, while their innate tendency to appeal to force renders them particularly unfit for the task of government...Man's place is in the armory.

~ Alice Duer Miller

*****

Men are beasts and even beasts don't behave as they do.

~ Brigitte Bardot

*****

Unusually low voices; short life expectancies; odd, drab costumes; a tendency to sweat, fart and yell.

~ C E Crimmins

*****

In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person.

~ Don Marquis

*****

He'll swim a river of snot, wade nostril deep through a mile of vomit, if he thinks there'll be a friendly pussy waiting for him. He'll screw a woman he despises, any snaggle-toothed hag, and further, pay for the opportunity. And he'll also screw babies and corpses.

~ Valerie Solanas

*****

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

~ Mae West

*****

Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: The chances are he will not use it wisely.

~ Betty-Jane Raphael

*****

It isn't the sissy men who help women most, but the rough, capable ones who can be caught and trained.

~ Ed Howe

*****

Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails.

~ H L Mencken

*****

A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.

~ Helen Rowland

*****

The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs.

~ Marlene Dietrich

*****

Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she is tired.

~ George Jean Nathan

*****

Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.

~ La Rochefoucauld

*****

Man that is born of woman is apt to be as vain as his mother.

~ Robert Frost

*****

When every unkind word about women has been said, we still have to admit, with Byron, that they are nicer than men. They are more devoted, more unselfish, and more emotionally sincere. When the long fuse of cruelty, deceit and revenge is set alight, it is male thoughtlessness which has fired it.

~ Cyril Connolly

*****

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

~ Helen Rowland

*****

I love men like some people like good food or wine.

~ Germaine Greer

*****

Modern man isn't as virile as he used to be. Instead of making things happen, he waits for things to happen to him. He goes with the current. Something..has led him to stop swimming upstream.

~ Marcello Mastroianni

*****

Women think of being a man as a gift. It is a duty. Even making love can be a duty. Man has always got to get it up and love isn't always enough.

~ Norman Mailer

*****

He is proud that he has the biggest brain of all the primates, but attempts to conceal that he also has the biggest penis.

~ Desmond Morris

*****

The penis is obviously going the way of the veriform appendix.

~ Jill Johnson

*****

A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.

~ Ed Howe

*****

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

~ Mae West

*****

Man is for woman a means: the end is always the child.

~ Nietzsche

*****

Every man is made of clay and daimon, and no woman can nourish both.

~ Lawrence Durrell

*****

None of you [men] ask for anything - except everything, but just for so long as you need it.

~ Doris Lessing

*****

Men are the reason that women hate each other.

~ La Bruyere

*****

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

~ Jayne Mansfield

*****

When it comes to women, modern men are idiots. They don't know what they want, and so they never want, permanently, what they get. They want a cream cake that is at the same time ham and eggs and at the same time porridge. They are fools. If only women weren't bound by fate to play up to them.

~ D H Lawrence

*****

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.

~ H L Mencken

*****

I'd never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.

~ Rita Mae Brown

*****

I only like two kinds of men: domestic and imported.

~ Mae West

*****

Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release.

~ Germaine Greer

*****

The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men.

~ Lupe Velez

*****

Behind almost every woman you ever heard of stands a man who let her down.

~ Naomi Bliven

*****

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

Where's the man who could ease a heart/Like a satin gown?

~ Dorothy Parker

*****

Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.

~ Robin Morgan

*****

Men have been trained and conditioned by women, not unlike the way Pavlov conditioned his dogs, into becoming their slaves. As compensation for their labors men are given periodic use of women's vaginas.

~ Esther Vilar

*****

Once you know what women are like, men get kind of boring. I'm not trying to put them down, I mean I like them sometimes as people, but sexually they're dull.

~ Rita Mae Brown

*****

The male sex, as a sex, does not universally appeal to me. I find the men today less manly; but a woman of my age is not in a position to know exactly how manly they are.

~ Katherine Hepburn

*****

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

The men who really wield, retain, and covet power are the kind who answer bedside phones while making love.

~ Nicholas Pileggi

*****

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never met a man who could compete.

~ Bette Davis

*****

No man is a hero to his wife's psychiatrist.

~ Eric Berne

*****

You know the problem with men? After the birth, we're irrelevant.

~ Dustin Hoffman

*****

Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do.

~ Katherine Hepburn

*****

Macho does not prove mucho.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

~ Jilly Cooper

*****

An American Monkey after drinking Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

~ Charles Darwin

*****

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they might have been.

~ William Hazlitt

*****

Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other sees him, and each man as he really is.

~ William James

*****

"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said, as he put a mark on the chalkboard.

~ Jay Leno

*****

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well; drive and make love.

~ Stirling Moss

*****

There are two things a real man likes - danger and play. And he likes woman because she is the most dangerous of playthings.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

*****

I only require three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

~ Dorothy Parker

*****

Women and God are the two rocks on which a man must either anchor or be wrecked.

~ Fredrick Robertson

*****

A good place to meet men is at the dry cleaners. These men have jobs and usually bathe.

~ Rita Rudner

*****

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.

~ Rita Rudner

*****

Men invented language to satisfy their deep need to complain.

~ Lily Tomlin

*****

The only way a woman can ever reform her husband is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

~ Oscar Wilde

*****

The only time a woman can really succeed in changing a man is when he is a baby.

~ Natalie Wood

*****

If all men told the truth, the tears of the women would create another flood.

~ Unknown

*****

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if it were not for women, our peckers would rust.

~ Unknown

*****

Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.

~ Unknown

*****

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.  

~ Mae West

*****

My theory is that men are no more liberated than women.  

~ Indira Gandhi

*****

All men are not slimy warthogs.  Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs.  But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.  

~ Cynthia Heimel

*****

No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.  

~ Knights of Pythagoras

****

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.  

~ Katharine Hepburn

*****

No nice men are good at getting taxis.  

~ Katherine Whitehorn, the Observer, 1977

*****

The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it.  The second time you look to see if the basement has termites.  It's the same with men.  

~ Lupe Velez

*****

Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness.  It's the men who are discriminated against.  They can't bear children.  And no one's likely to do anything about that.  

~ Golda Meir

*****

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.  

~ Francesca M. Cancian

*****

A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.  

~ Helen Rowland

*****

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.  

~  Unknown

*****

Men wake up aroused in the morning.  We can't help it.  We just wake up and we want you.  And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"  It's because we can't see you.  We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.  

~ Andy Rooney

*****

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.  

~ Lana Turner

*****

When you see a woman who can go nowhere without a staff of admirers, it is not so much because they think she is beautiful, it is because she has told them they are handsome.  

~ Jean Giraudoux

*****

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  

~ Linda Ellerbee

*****

They say women talk too much.  If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.  

~ Clare Booth Luce

*****

There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.  

~ Camille Paglia

*****

Men were made for war.  Without it they wandered greyly about, getting under the feet of the women, who were trying to organize the really important things of life. 

  ~ Alice Thomas Ellis

*****

Sometimes I think if there was a third sex men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me.  

~ Amanda Vail

*****

He is every other inch a gentleman.  

~ Rebecca West

*****

A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.  

~ Helen Rowland

*****

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is.  I don't think it works like that.  I think it's the opposite.  I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.  

~ Anita Wise

*****

Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses providing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man as twice its natural size.  

~ Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

*****

Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house.  

~ Unknown

*****

How can a man marry wisely in his twenties?  The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.  

~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

*****

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women:  a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.  

~Jerry Seinfeld

*****

A man's home may be his castle on the outside; inside, it is more often his nursery.  

~ Clare Booth Luce

*****

You [men] are not our protectors.... If you were, who would there be to protect us from?  

~ Mary Edwards Walker

*****

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  

~ Robert Byrne

*****

Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.  

~ William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1601

*****

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of.  For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women.  It's our Alamo.  

~ Tony Kornheiser

*****

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.  

~ Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard

*****

Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.  

~ Maureen Murphy

*****

On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth.  On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.  

~ Bruce Willis, on the difference between men and women

*****

God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.  

~ Robin Williams

*****

Alas! it is not the child but the boy that generally survives in the man.  

~ Arthur Helps, Thoughts in the Cloister and the Crowd, 1835

*****

Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too.  

~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

*****

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.  

~ Ella Harris

*****

Men feel that women somehow drag them down, and women feel that way about men.  It's possible that both are right.  

~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

*****

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man.  Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.  

~  Unknown

*****

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.  

~ Helen Rowland

*****

Men are like a fine wine.  They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.  

~  Unknown

*****

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.  

~ Jenny Eclair

*****

Women are the right age for just a few years; men, for most of their lives.  

~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

*****

My boyfriend asked me why women think firemen are sexy, so I explained the pole theory:  Men love women who slide down poles, and women love men who slide down poles.  Subject dropped.  

~ Terri Guillemets

*****

There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.  

~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

*****

Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.  

~ James Shubert

*****

Men are only as loyal as their options.  

~ Bill Maher

*****

Stop?  I'm the guy.  I don't stop!  That's the woman's job.  We're the gas, they're the brakes.  

~ Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel, EDtv, 1999

*****

I'm a babe magnet... just the wrong end.  

~ Unknown

*****

Every woman must admit, and every man with as much sense as a woman, that it's very hard to make a home for any man if he's always in it.  

~ Winifred Kirkland

*****

I wonder why men get serious at all.  They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will.  If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself.  

~ Yoko Ono

*****

God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent.  He gave women intuition and femininity.  And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met.  

~ Farrah Fawcett

*****

Many a man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.  

~ Jim Backus

*****

The old theory was "Marry an older man, because they're more mature."  But the new theory is:  "Men don't mature.  Marry a younger one."  

~ Rita Rudner

*****

Jesus was a typical man - they always say they'll come back but you never see them again.  

~  Unknown

*****


Three wise men - are you serious?  

~  Unknown

*****

There's a difference between beauty and charm.  A beautiful woman is one I notice.  A charming woman is one who notices me. 

 ~ John Erskine

*****

What is the difference between men and women?  A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

  ~ Unknown


*****

Home cooking:  where many a man thinks his wife is.

  ~ Unknown

*****


Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra.  It will be catastrophic.  The male half of the population will be nothing but mindless drooling Zombies of Lust.  Granted, this is also true now, but it will be even worse.  

~ Dave Barry

*****

If they can put one man on the moon why can't they put them all there?  

~ Chocolate Waters

*****

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

  ~ Natalie Wood

*****

If men had more up top we'd need less up front.

  ~ Jaci Stephen

*****

Men lose more conquests by their own awkwardness than by any virtue in the woman.

  ~ Ninon de Lenclos

*****

Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.  

~ Robin Morgan

*****

Men can read maps better than women.  'Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

  ~ Roseanne Barr

*****

A man is two people, himself and his cock.  A man always takes his friend to the party.  Of the two, the friend is the nicer, being more able to show his feelings.

  ~ Beryl Bainbridge

*****

Men are beasts and even beasts don't behave as they do.

  ~ Brigitte Bardot

*****

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.  

~ Madame de StaŽl

*****

'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.

  ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

*****

Guys are like roses.  You've got to watch out for the pricks.

  ~ Unknown

*****

What's with you men?  Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

  ~ Erma Bombeck

*****

A hard man is good to find.

  ~ Mae West

*****

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.  You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  ~ Jean Kerr

*****

All men are rapists and that's all they are.  They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.

  ~ Marilyn French

*****

A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.

  ~ Oscar Wilde


*****


Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do.

  ~ Ellen Glasgow

*****

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up.  The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now.  They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.

  ~ Dave Barry

*****

Men want a woman whom they can turn on and off like a light switch.

  ~ Ian Fleming

*****

The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs.

  ~ Marlene Dietrich

*****

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman.  I won't stand for that.

  ~ Steve Martin

*****

...and HUSBANDS!

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to produce the occasional bon mot.

~ Balzac

*****

Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.

~ Marilyn Monroe

*****

Intelligent women always marry fools.

~ Anatole France

*****

If there were no husbands, who would look after our mistresses?

~ George Moore

*****

The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain disdain; he is anything but her ideal. In consequence, she cannot help feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is their father.

~ H L Mencken

*****

The American girl makes a servant of her husband and then finds him contemptible for being a servant.

~ John Steinbeck

*****

If you cannot have your dear husband for a comfort and delight, for a breadwinner and a crosspatch, for a sofa, chair or hot water bottle, one can use him as a Cross to be borne.

~ Stevie Smith

*****

It is necessary to be almost a genius to make a good husband.

~ Balzac

*****

Being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it.

~ Arnold Bennett

*****

There isn't a wife in the world who has not taken the exact measure of her husband, weighed him and settled him in her own mind, and knows him as well as if she had ordered him after designs and specifications of her own.

~ Charles Dudley Warner

*****

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.

~ Adela Rogers St John

*****

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

~ Helen Rowland

*****

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

~ Kin Hubbard

*****

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier - and also a good deal more foolish.

~ H L Mencken

*****

One exists with one's husband - one lives with one's lover.

~ Balzac

*****

[Married men] are horribly tedious when they are good husbands, and abominably conceited when they are not.

~ Oscar Wilde

*****

Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man needs only an excuse.

~ Helen Rowland

*****

I know many married men, I even know a few unhappily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal-hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.

~ George Jean Nathan

*****

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.

~ W Somerset Maugham

*****

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

~ Elinor Glyn

*****

The only way a woman can ever reform her husband is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

~ Oscar Wilde

*****

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

~ Mary Buckley

*****

Husbands think we should know where everything is - like the uterus is a tracking device. He asks me, "Roseanne, do we have any Chee-tos left?" Like he can't go over to that sofa cushion and lift it up himself.

~ Roseanne Barr

*****

We wedded men live in sorrow and care.

~ Chaucer

*****

...and 'Manspeak'

"I'm going fishing." Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a
stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car." Really means....
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve,
black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing." Really means....
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no
chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea." Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?" Really means....
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means....
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain." Really means....
"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"I got a lot done." Really means....
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late." Really means....
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means....
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means....
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means....
"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me." Really means....
"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie." Really means....
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work." Really means....
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" Really means....
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no
more peanut butter."

"Go ask your mother." Really means....
"I am incapable of making a decision."

"You know how bad my memory is." Really means....
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I
ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means....
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Football is a man's game." Really means....
"Women are generally too smart to play it."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means....
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
hurt."

"I do help around the house." Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means....
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it." Really means....
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Really means....
"What did you catch me at?"

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means....
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means....
"She refused to make my coffee."

"But I hate to go shopping." Really means....
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

"No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means....
"You may actually get it to start."

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means....
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest
pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you." Really means....
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately
that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days
yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means....
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." Really means....
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present." Really means....
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I missed you." Really means....
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet
paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means....
"No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework." Really means....
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means....
"I like you more than my truck."

"I recycle." Really means....
"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means....
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

"It sure snowed last night." Really means....
"I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."

"It's good beer." Really means....
"It was on sale."

"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means....
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means....
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

"I broke up with her." Really means....
"She dumped me."

"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means....
"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

*****

/12princesses.html
 
/actor.html
  /alcohol.html
  /anger.html
  /animalmagic.html
  /anon.html
  /argument.html
  /art.html
  /baby.html
 
/beryl.html
  /bikes.html
  /blog.html
  /bluebells.html
  /book.html
  /bored_games.html
  /c.duggan-smith.html
 
/canada.html
  /careful.html
  /cat.html
  /categories_magazine.html
  /categories_quotation.html
  /categories_trivia.html
  /catsanddogs.html
  /child_verse.html
  /children.html
  /christmas.html
  /circus.html
  /cliche.html
  /commonsense.html
  /computer.html
  /contempt.html
  /country_western.html
  /crossingbridges.html
  /death.html
  /definitions.html
  /delhi_date.html
  /diary.dogandcat.html
  /didyouknow.html
  /directory.html
  /divorce.html
  /dog.html
  /dreaming.html
  /eating_out.html
 
/elementary.html
  /elevator.html
  /england_spring.html
 
/english.html
 /fluff.html
 /foramy.html
 
/fun_driving.html
  /fun_things.html
  /girls_girls_girls.html
 
/hand&happy.html
  /hola.html
 
 /housework.html
  /idiotslist.html
  /index.htm
  /insanity.html

 
/kenya.html
  /kos.html
  /ladder.html
 
/language.html
 
/life_classes.html
  /love.html
  /luck.html
 
/lullaby.html
  /makebelieve.html
  /malefemale.html
 
/manners.html
  /marriage.html
 
/mask.html
  /mela.html
  /memories.html
 
/memories_grandmother.html
  /memories_mother.html
    /miss_anon.html
  /movies.html
  /music.html
  /newsgroups.html
  /nonsense.html
 
/nonsense2.html
  /pc.html
  /photoquote.html
  /playground_rhymes.html
  /poem4today.html
  /poems.html
  /poems2.html
  /poems3.html
  /poetry.html
  /prairie.html
  /pussy_willow.html
  /queen_mother.html
 
/quinn.htm
  /quiz.html
  /quotations_a2z.htm
  /quoteindex.htm
  /quoteindex.html
  /resumes.html
  /self_analysis.html
  /shipahoy.html
  /smoking.html
  /spa_town.html
  /story.html
  /superstitions.html
  /superstitions_cornish.html
  /techsupport.html
  /teddygrant.html
  /threads.html
  /three_wise_men.html
  /titles.html
  /tod.html
  /travel.html
  /tree_requiem.html
  /urbanmyth.html
  /valentine.html
  /vienna.html
  /wallpaper.html
  /wanted.html
  /watson.html
 
/whimsy.htm

  /wild_swans.html
  /women.html
  /words4today.html
  /words4today2.html
 
/writingrules.html

winniecaw@hotmail.com Top