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Nonsense Poems, Rhymes and Silliness
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it time to present the present.
7. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down the sewer.
18. After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19. Seeing a tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
a) there is no egg in an eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger, and neither an apple nor a pine in a pineapple;
b) English muffins weren't invented in England;
c) French fries weren't invented in France;
d) sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads - which aren't sweet, are meat;
e) quicksand can work slowly;
f) boxing rings are square;
g) a Guinea Pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig;
h) writers write but fingers don't 'fing', grocers don't 'groce' and hammers don't 'ham';
i) the plural of tooth is teeth, but the plural of booth isn't 'beeth';
j) more than one goose is 'geese', but more than one moose isn't 'meese';
k) you can make amends but not one 'amend' (stick that in your indices - but not in your indexes);
l) if you take a bunch of odds and ends and remove all but one, what is that called?
m) though we know what a vegetarian eats (vegetables), we don't know what to offer an humanitarian?
n) people recite at a play and play at a recital;
o) goods are shipped by truck but a cargo is sent by ship;
p) noses run and feet smell;
q) slim chance and fat chance mean the same, while a wise man and a wise guy mean the opposite;
r) a house burns up as it burns down (and gets 'razed' to the ground);
s) one fills in a form by filling it out;
t) an alarm goes off by going on;
u) when the stars are out, they are visible; when the lights are out, they are invisible;
v) Buick doesn't rhyme with quick?
w) it's good if a vacuum sucks;
x) the third hand on a watch is called the 'second' hand';
y) if a word is misspelt in a dictionary, we will never know;
z) 'slow down' and 'slow up' means the same;
i) tug boats actually push;
ii) The song 'Take me out to the Ball Game' is sung when the punters are already in their seats - at the ball game;
iii) the 'stands' are made for sitting;
iv) 'after dark' means 'after light';
v) when told to 'expect the unexpected', we then expect the unexpected;
vi) 'phonics' is not pronounced the way it sounds;
vii) 'All the world is a stage'. So where is the audience sitting?
viii) 'bra' is singular and 'knickers' (a.k.a. panties) plural;
ix) suits go into garment bags; garments go into a suitcase;
x) we wash bath towels, when we are supposedly clean when using them;
xi) glue doesn't stick to the inside of the tube;
xii) teachers taught, but no preacher 'praught';
xiii) the weather can be hot as hell one day, and cold as hell the next;
xiv) we park on driveways and drive on parkways;
xv) I've never seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, nor met a sung hero or experienced requited love;
xvi) and I've never met someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable;
xvii) 'abbreviated' is such a long word (and so are these roman numerals).
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