I HATE HOUSEWORK!©winnie caw 2004
(follow the arrows below for more of winnie caw's whimsy, or click on a link)

Search Engine - find anything on whimsy pages

Home Page  

Cynic's Bible
Home Remedies

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by
simply peeing in the sink.

High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.

Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will
forget about the toothache.


And remember these simple rules of life:

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I
apologize" and "You are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.

If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
Things to do with ...salt
~ Add a pinch of salt to double cream to make it whip faster;
~ Sprinkle it on grapefruit to make it taste better;
~ Add a teaspoonful to the water you're boiling a cracked egg in, and   the contents won't ooze out;
~ Remove perspiration stains with it. Use a handful to a quart of water and soak the stained item for an hour;
~ Perk up a fire with it. Throw a handful on, then you won't need to fetch firewood and start again;
~ Sprinkle plain salt or rock salt on icy steps in cold weather to melt the ice, but avoid the grass;
~ Dissolve garden slugs in salt - avoiding the grass;
~ Clean drains with salt. Pour a strong solution of hot water and salt down the sink drain every week to clear drains of grease and bad smells.
Vinegar
~ If you can't get the soapy feel out of something you're rinsing, add vinegar to the rinse;
~ Boil a little in a saucepan with a built-in fish or cabbage smell, to get rid of the smell;
~ Clean out narrow-necked bottles. Pour in a little with hot water. If the bottle or vase is in bad shape, add some pebbles or rice and shake it;
~ Keep poached eggs from separating by adding a teaspoonful of vinegar to the water;
~ When washing windows, add some to the hot water;
~ If your feet are tired, sit and soak them in warm vinegary water.

Bicarbonate of Soda
~ Rub it on dry, on chrome, using a dry cloth. Then use it on a damp cloth to clean oven doors.
A Lemon
~ Good for marble. Wrap half a lemon in a cloth, dip it in tepid water, then in borax, and rub the marble surface;
~ Use lemon juice as a mouthwash;
~ Use it as a substitute for cuticle remover. It also whiten the nails;
~ A few drops of lemon juice will shine your shoes if you're out of polish;
~ Rub it on gnat bites and they won't itch so much;
~ Keep a  cut lemon on the fridge shelf and it will make things smell fresher. 
Don't
~Feed drain-cleaning chemicals to your food disposer;
~ Nor glass, china, string; nor metal;
~ If you're not connected to a main sewer don't feed it  eggshells, bones or coffee.
Do
~ Clean an opaque bathroom mirror with surgical spirit;
~ Run the cold water full blast to clear away the steam after a hot shower;
~ Run the cold water into a bath first and bring the temperature up as required with hot water, to prevent steam;
~ When cleaning the house, start with a different area  each time. Then, when you're fed up and stop, you won't just have cleaned the same area each time.

9 Places to wear perfume

~ Bend of each elbow
~ Pulse of each wrist
~ Behind each ear
~ On each eyebrow
~ At the base of your throat
...and
~ Spray feet with cologne after a bath
Did you know
...  calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise?


Exercise..............................Calories burned per hour
Beating around the bush..................................75
Jumping to conclusions..................................100
Climbing the walls.........................................150
Swallowing your pride.....................................50
Passing the buck..............................................25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight)...........................50-300
Dragging your heels........................................100
Pushing your luck............................................250
Making mountains out of molehills...................500
Hitting the nail on the head...............................50
Wading through paperwork............................300
Bending over backwards..................................75
Jumping on the bandwagon.............................200
Balancing the books.........................................25
Running around in circles................................350
Blowing your own trumpet................................25
Climbing the ladder of success........................750
Pulling out the stops.........................................75
Adding fuel to the fire......................................160
Wrapping it up at the day's end.........................12


To which you may want to add your own favourite activities, including:


Opening a can of worms ................................50
Putting your foot in your mouth......................300
Starting the ball rolling.....................................90
Going over the edge........................................25
Picking up the pieces.....................................350

/12princesses.html
 
/actor.html
 /alcohol.html
 /anger.html
 /animalmagic.html
 /anon.html
 /argument.html
 /art.html
 /baby.html
 
/beryl.html
 /bikes.html
 /blog.html
 /bluebells.html
 /book.html
 /bored_games.html
 /c.duggan-smith.html
 
/canada.html
 /careful.html
 /cat.html
 /categories_magazine.html
 /categories_quotation.html
 /categories_trivia.html
 /catsanddogs.html
 /child_verse.html
 /children.html
 /christmas.html
 /circus.html
 /cliche.html
 /commonsense.html
 /computer.html
 /contempt.html
 /country_western.html
 /crossingbridges.html
 /death.html
 /definitions.html
 /delhi_date.html
 /diary.dogandcat.html
 /didyouknow.html
 /directory.html
 /divorce.html
 /dog.html
 /dreaming.html
 /eating_out.html
 
/elementary.html
 /elevator.html
 /england_spring.html
 
/english.html
/fluff.html
/foramy.html
 
/fun_driving.html
 /fun_things.html
 /girls_girls_girls.html
 
/hand&happy.html
 /hola.html
  /idiotslist.html
 /index.htm
 /insanity.html
 
/kenya.html
 /kos.html
 /ladder.html
/language.html
 
/life_classes.html
 /love.html
 /luck.html
 
/lullaby.html
 /makebelieve.html
 /malefemale.html
 
/manners.html
 /marriage.html
 
/mask.html
 /mela.html
 /memories.html
/memories_grandmother.html
 /memories_mother.html
 /men.html
 /miss_anon.html
 /movies.html
 /music.html
 /newsgroups.html
 /nonsense.html
 
/nonsense2.html
 /pc.html
 /photoquote.html
 /playground_rhymes.html
 /poem4today.html
 /poems.html
 /poems2.html
 /poems3.html
 /poetry.html
 /prairie.html
 /pussy_willow.html
 /queen_mother.html
 
/quinn.htm
 /quiz.html
 /quotations_a2z.htm
 /quoteindex.htm
 /quoteindex.html
 /resumes.html
 /self_analysis.html
 /shipahoy.html
 /smoking.html
 /spa_town.html
 /story.html
 /superstitions.html
 /superstitions_cornish.html
 /techsupport.html
 /teddygrant.html
 /threads.html
 /three_wise_men.html
 /titles.html
 /tod.html
 /travel.html
 /tree_requiem.html
 /urbanmyth.html
 /valentine.html
 /vienna.html
 /wallpaper.html
 /wanted.html
 /watson.html
 
/whimsy.htm

 /wild_swans.html
 /women.html
 /words4today.html
 /words4today2.html
 /writingrules.html

 NEW - WHIMS Name Magic

winniecaw@hotmail.com Top