©winnie caw 2002
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1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously.
With a look of fear, lock your doors.

4. Two words: Chicken suit.

5. Write the words 'Help me' on your back window in red paint.
The more it looks like blood, the better.

6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

8. Stop at the green lights.

9. Go at the red ones.

10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out of your window or sunroof.
Feel free to make it dance.

11. Eat food that requires silverware.

12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

13. Sing without having the radio on.

14. Honk frequently without motivation.

15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

16. Let pedestrians know who's boss.

17. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

18. Restart your car at every stop light.

19. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror.
Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

20. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their fag-ends out the window.

21. While stopped at a light, piss out of the window/sunroof onto other cars.

22. Paint your car with occult symbols.

23. Keep at least five cats in the car.

24. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.

25. Stop and collect roadkill.

26. Stop and pray to roadkill.

27. Throw rubbish.

28. Get into the fast lane and gradually.....slow....down....to a stop.
Then get out and watch the cars. Throw rubbish at them.

                *****

FUN THINGS TO DO IN A LIFT

1)   When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2)   Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3)   Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4)   Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5)   Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi John. How's your day been?"

6)   Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7)   Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8)   Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9)   Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10)  Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11)  Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12)  Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13)  Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14)  When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

15)  Swat at flies that don't exist.

16)  Tell people that you can see their aura.

17)  Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18)  Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19)  Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20)  Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21)  Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

22)  Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23)  Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24)  Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25)  Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26)  Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

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