CHINESE WHISPERS    ©winnie caw 2004
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 A few years ago I tried out one of those 'voice-activated' typing programs. Using my 'bible', I read extracts into the mike. When I had picked myself up off the floor from laughing, I printed a copy. Below are the results. The original quote is in italics in each case.

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1) Shakespeare's 18th Sonnet.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's leafe hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Shakespeare's 18th summit. The shadow the Ian compere* the to a summer's day? Valve what up to Malta lovely intakes perfection antidote mop cigarette. Raphael wins do shake the Darling buds of 1 May, 
And sales East hath all over to shore to a date; sometime too hot the Eye of heaven smiles, ant often is his ball home, election dent; ant every spare from fair sometime declines, by chance or Major's changing course content; but by eternal summer shall Not fade, nor use possession of that fair fowl OS/2, nor shall deaf Bragg foul wonder stock inner his shade combine went in internal lines to time fowl grossed, so long as men can breathe, or I can see, sewer nominal Leeds this, and this gives life to the dinghy.

2)  How often have I raised my head and gazed on the moon, lowered my gaze and thought of home ~ Chinese Poem

Half aftermath casts I 63 with Ruth how often have I raised my head an take days on the Moon, lowered my days as an to sort of home.
Chinese poem.

3) Do not fear if others don't understand you; fear only not to understand others ~ Confucius

Booth not fear if others don't understand Corbett compile you; Co only not to understand others.
Conscientious

4) Wild Geese mean letters from a beloved

Wild geese mean less purse from a beloved.

5) Achieve the highest goal by being passive; hold close to a state of perfect serenity ~ Tao

Achieved last harvest: by Derek passive; Harold worth close to

6)

'My Lover' by Wendy Cope

For I will consider my lover, who shall remain nameless.
For at the age of 49 he can make the noise of five different kinds of lorry changing gear on a hill.
For he sometimes does this on the stairs at his place of work.
For he is embarrassed when people overhear him.
For he can also imitate at least three different kinds of train.
For these include the London tube train, the steam engine, and the Southern Rail electric.
For he supports Tottenham Hotspur with joyful and unswerving devotion.
For he abhors Arsenal, whose supporters are uncivilised and rough.
For he explains that Spurs are magic, whereas Arsenal are boring and defensive.
For I knew nothing of this six months ago, nor did I want to.
For now it all enchants me.
For this he performs in ten degrees.
For first he presents himself as a nice, serious, liberated person.
For secondly he sits through many lunches, discussing life and love and never mentioning football.
For thirdly he is careful not to reveal how much he dislikes losing an argument.
For fourthly he talks about the women in his past, acknowledging that some of it must have been his fault.
For fifthly he is so obviously reasonable that you are inclined to doubt this.
For sixthly he invites himself round for a drink one evening.
For seventhly you consume two bottles of wine between you.
For eighthly he stays the night.
For ninthly you cannot wait to see him again.
For tenthly this does not happen for several days.
For having achieved his object he turns again to his other interests.
For he will not miss his evening class or his choirpractice for a woman.
For he is out nearly all of the time.
For you cannot even get him on the telephone.
For he is the kind of man who has been driving women round the bend for generations. For, sad to say, this thought does not bring you to your senses.
For he is charming.
For he is good with animals and children.
For his voice is both reassuring and sexy.
For he drives an A-registration Vauxhall Astra Estate.
For he goes at 80 miles per hour on the motorways.
For when I plead with him he says, 'I'm not going any slower than this'.
For he is convinced he knows his way around better than anyone else on earth.
For he does not encourage suggestions from his passengers.
For if he ever got lost there would be hell to pay.
For he sometimes makes me sleep on the wrong side of my own bed.
For he cannot be bossed around.
For he has this grace, that he is happy to eat fish fingers or Chinese takeaway or to cook the supper himself.
For he knows about my cooking and is realistic.
For me makes me smooth cocoa with bubbles on the top.
For he drinks and smokes at least as much as I do.
For he is obsessed with sex.
For he would never say it is overrated.
For he grew up before the permissive society and remembers his adolescence.
For he does not insist it is healthy and natural, nor does he ask me what I would like him to do.
For he has a few ideas of his own.
For he has never been able to sleep much and talks with me late into the night.
For we wear each other out with our wakefulness.
For he makes me feel like a lightbulb that cannot switch itself off.
For he inspires poem after poem.
For he is clean and tidy but not too concerned with his appearance.
For he lets the barber cut his hair too short and goes round looking like a convict for a fortnight.
For when I ask if this necklace is all right he replies, 'Yes, if no means looking at three others.'
For he was shocked when younger team-mates began using talcum powder in the changing-room.
For his old-fashioned masculinity is the cause of continual merriment on my part.
For this puzzles him.

my overrun by Wendy Cope

Fall guy will consider my lover, who shall remain nameless.
For activity eight of borderline he cannot make noise of DIFFERENT kind lorry changing gear on a hill.
For he succumbed Cardiff on disturbance at his place of work.
For he is embarrassed when people overture him.  
All he can also imitate at least three different kinds of train. Nothing for these include that London to train, the stain engine, and the public rail Electric.
For he supports Tottenham
* Hotspur* with joyful and unswerving devotion.
For he adores Arsenal, whose supporters are undisguised and rough.
For he explained that Spurs are magic, whereas Arsenal are boring and defensive.
For I knew nothing office months ago, nor did I want to.
For now it all entrance me.
For this he performs in 10 degree.
For fast he presents himself as a nice, serious, liberated person.
For secondly he sits through many lunches, discussing life and love and never mentioning football.
For sadly he is careful not to eel Helmut Church he dislikes using an argument.
For awfully he talks about the woman in his path, acknowledging that some of it must have in his full at 49.
For assisting he is so obviously reasonable that you are inclined to doubt this. Plan for 68.
46 lady he invites himself round for a drink one evening.
47 p US consumer Tours bottles upright between you.
For atheist he stays that night.
For Nancy you cannot wait to see him again.
For tactfully this does not happen for several days.
For happiness achieved his objective he denounced again to his other interests.
For he will not if his evening class or his quiet practice for a woman.
For he is out nearly all the time.
For you cannot even get him on the telephone.
For he is that kind of man who has been driving win round advent alterations Ulster July.
[rest lost - I'll keep searching]
*

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