Definitions ♠ ©winnie caw 2002
(follow the arrows below for more of winnie caw's whimsy, or click on a link)

Home Page

A

Advertising

The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

~ George Orwell

 

Alcoholic

A man you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

~ Dylan Thomas

 

Autobiography

An obituary in serial form with the last chapter missing.

~ Quentin Crisp

***

B

Baby

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

~ Ronald Knox

 

Book

What they make a movie out of for television.

~ Leonard Louis Levinson

 

Bore

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

~ Benjamin Disraeli (attrib.)

***

C

Censor

A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

~ Laurence Peter

 

Cocktail party

A device for paying of obligations to people you don't want to invite to dinner.

~ Charles Merrill Smith, 'Instant Status', 1972

 

Contraceptives

What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

~ Anon

 

Cynic

A man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

~ H L Mencken

***

Diplomacy

The art of letting somebody else have your way.

~ David Frost

***

E

Editor

One who sorts the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.

~ Adlai Stevenson

 

Education

The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

~ Mark Twain

 

Egotist

A person more interested in himself than in me.

~ Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary', 1911

 

Epitaph

An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

~ Ambrose Bierce

 

Experimental psychologist

A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

~ Leonard Louis Levinson

***

F

Future

That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

~ Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary' 1911

***

G

Gambling

The sure way of getting nothing for something.

~ Wilson Mizner

 

Gossip

Hearing something you like about someone you don't.

~ Earl Wilson

***

H

Honeymoon

The morning after the knot before.

~ Anon

***

I

Insider Trading

Stealing too fast

~ Calvin Trillin

***

J

Journalism

A profession whose business it is to explain to others what it personally does not understand.

~ Lord Northcliffe

***

K

Kleptomaniac

A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

~ Henry Morgan

***

M

Modesty

The gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.

~ Edgar Watson Howe,

'Ventures in Common Sense', 1919

***

N

Noise

A stench in the ear. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

~ Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary', 1911

***

O

Opportunity

A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

~ Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary', 1911

***

P

Peace

Co-existence or no existence.

~ Bertrand Russell

 

Philosophy

Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.

~ Henry Adams

 

Preposition

An enormously versatile part of grammar, as in "What made you pick this book I didn't want to be read to out of for?"

~ Winston Churchill

***

R

Revolution

An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

~ Ambrose Bierce

***

S

Scotsman

A man who, before sending his pyjamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

~ Ambrose Bierce

 

Secret

What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

~ Ambrose Bierce

 

Slander

To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

~ Ambrose Bierce

 

Success

Success is getting what you want, and happiness is wanting what you get.

~ Dave Gardner

***

T

Technology

The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.

~ Max Frisch, 'Homo Faber', 1957

 

Theology

The effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.

~ H L Mencken

*****

MORE DEFINITIONS:

Baloney- Where some hemlines fall. (Geoff Tibballs)

Pecan: A bedpan (Stan Kegel)

Castration:  They only let you throw your line out so many times (David Reihmer)

Laughing Stock: Cattle with a sense of humor. (Lederer & Ertner) 

Propose: Stance taken by a model during a photo shoot. (Stan Kegel)

Furlong: Desire for a mink coat. (Lederer & Ertner)

Gossip: Someone with a great sense of rumor. (Cryptograms)

Racquet: what the loser does in pool.  (J. A. Mc.)

Archaeologist- Someone whose career is in ruins. (Geoff Tibballs)

Gatorade  : What an alligator gets on welfare. (Lederer & Ertner)

Lieutenant: One who rents by bathrooms (David Reihmer)

Paltry: Attempt to make a friend (Stan Kegel)

Carbuncle: My dad's brother, who eats lots of fruits and fiber (Belinda
M. Paschal)

Constipation- To have and-to hold. (Geoff Tibballs)

/12princesses.html
 
/actor.html
 /alcohol.html
 /anger.html
 /animalmagic.html
 /anon.html
 /argument.html
 /art.html
 /baby.html
 
/beryl.html
 /bikes.html
 /blog.html
 /bluebells.html
 /book.html
 /bored_games.html
 /c.duggan-smith.html
 
/canada.html
 /careful.html
 /cat.html
 /categories_magazine.html
 /categories_quotation.html
 /categories_trivia.html
 /catsanddogs.html
 /child_verse.html
 /children.html
 /christmas.html
 /circus.html
 /cliche.html
 /commonsense.html
 /computer.html
 /contempt.html
 /country_western.html
 /crossingbridges.html
 /death.html
  /delhi_date.html
 /diary.dogandcat.html
 /didyouknow.html
 /directory.html
 /divorce.html
 /dog.html
 /dreaming.html
 /eating_out.html
 
/elementary.html
 /elevator.html
 /england_spring.html
 
/english.html
/fluff.html
/foramy.html
 
/fun_driving.html
 /fun_things.html
 /girls_girls_girls.html
 
/hand&happy.html
 /hola.html
 /housework.html
 /idiotslist.html
 /index.htm
 /insanity.html

 
/kenya.html
 /kos.html
 /ladder.html
/language.html
 
/life_classes.html
 /love.html
 /luck.html
 
/lullaby.html
 /makebelieve.html
 /malefemale.html
 
/manners.html
 /marriage.html
 
/mask.html
 /mela.html
 /memories.html
/memories_grandmother.html
 /memories_mother.html
 /men.html
 /miss_anon.html
 /movies.html
 /music.html
 /newsgroups.html
 /nonsense.html
 
/nonsense2.html
 /pc.html
 /photoquote.html
 /playground_rhymes.html
 /poem4today.html
 /poems.html
 /poems2.html
 /poems3.html
 /poetry.html
 /prairie.html
 /pussy_willow.html
 /queen_mother.html
 
/quinn.htm
 /quiz.html
 /quotations_a2z.htm
  /quoteindex.html
 /resumes.html
 /self_analysis.html
 /shipahoy.html
 /smoking.html
 /spa_town.html
 /story.html
 /superstitions.html
 /superstitions_cornish.html
 /techsupport.html
 /teddygrant.html
 /threads.html
 /three_wise_men.html
 /titles.html
 /tod.html
 /travel.html
 /tree_requiem.html
 /urbanmyth.html
 /valentine.html
 /vienna.html
 /wallpaper.html
 /wanted.html
 /watson.html
 
/whimsy.htm

 /wild_swans.html
 /women.html
 /words4today.html
 /words4today2.html
 
/writingrules.html

winniecaw@hotmail.com Top

Search Engine - find anything on whimsy pages