CAT QUOTATIONS
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Ally's cat

Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

~ Ambrose Bierce

***

I do not know what the cat can have eaten. Usually I know exactly what the cat has eaten. Not only have I fed it to the cat, at the cat's insistence, but the cat has thrown it up on the rug, and someone has tracked it all over onto the other rug. I do not know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They do not seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while they are doing it. It's their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit.

~ Roy Blount Jr.

***

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

~ Elaine Boosler

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Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

~ Cervantes

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My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her.

~ Colette

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Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronises human beings.

~ Oliver Herford

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No man ever dared to manifest his boredom so insolently as does a Siamese tomcat when he yawns in the face of his amorously importunate wife.

~ Aldous Huxley

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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

~ Garrison Keillor

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Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

~ Joseph Wood Krutch

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No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.

~ Abraham Lincoln

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All cats are grey in the dark.

~ Thomas Lodge

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Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

~ Fernand Mery

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When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more sport than she makes me?

~ Montaigne

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People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored.

~ Henry Morgan

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The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

~ Ogden Nash

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It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognise no authority, yet they are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

~ P J O'Rourke

***

A baited cat may grow as fierce as a lion.

~ Samuel Palmer

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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar they use.

~ Mark Twain

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A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

~ Mark Twain

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Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

~ Jeff Valdez

***

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

~ Alfred North Whitehead

***

Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.
~ Don Addis

***

If stretching were wealth, the cat would be rich.

~ African Proverb

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The cat is a lion to the mouse.

~ Albanian proverb

***

He [the cat] liked to peep into the refrigerator and risk having his head shut in by the closing door. He also climbed to the top of the stove, discontinuing the practice after he singed his tail.

~ Lloyd Alexander

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Two cats can live as cheaply as one, and their owner has twice as much fun."
~ Lloyd Alexander

***

If a cat washes her face in front of several persons, the first person she looks at will be the first to get married.
~ American saying

***

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.

~ American proverb Colonial

***

Ye shall not possess any beast, my dear sisters, except only a cat.
~ The Ancren Riewle (Nun's Rule)

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Cat memory is a funny thing. We have a roll-over cat. It's the one we send whenever anybody needs a cat to roll over. It's a smart cat and knows other tricks. But whenever it gets stressed out on the set it just keep rolling over.
~ Anonymous Hollywood Animal Trainer

***

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
~ Anonymous

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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
~ Unknown

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Here's a thought: Does the Cheshire cats drink evaporated milk?
~ Unknown

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The cat was created when the lion sneezed.
~ Arab Myth

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Cats names are more for human benefit. They give one a certain degree more confidence that the animal belongs to you.
~ Alan Ayckbourn (From 'Table Manners')

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Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility.
~ Stephen Baker

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To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction--and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by.
~ Stephen Baker

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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
~ Dave Barry

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The real measure of a day's heat is the length of a sleeping cat.
~ Charles J. Brady

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A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor.
~ Arthur Bridges

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The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost ever other animals...it's also the reason they hate birds.
~ KC Buffington

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When you are looking a cat acts like a princess, but the minute they think you are not looking, a cat acts like a fool.
~ KC Buffington

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Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and visa versa, and often simultaneously.
~ Louis J. Camuti

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'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
~ Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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'Can you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here,' asked Alice. 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the cat.
~ Lewis Carroll

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In the night all cats are gray.
- Miguel de Cervantes

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Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched.

~ Cervantes

***

Of all domestic animals the cat is the most expressive. His face is capable of showing a wide range of expressions. His tail is a mirror of his mind. His gracefulness is surpassed only by his agility. And, along with all these, he has a sense of humor.
~ Walter Chandoha

***

He disappeared, like the cat in that Russian story.
~ Chekhov

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All cats love fish but fear to wet their paws.
~ Chinese Proverb

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I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.
~ Jean Cocteau

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There are no ordinary cats.
- Colette

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The way in which she walks, the way in which she stalks, the way in which she "talks," makes even the most ordinary cat extraordinary.
~ Peter Collier

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Any conditioned cat-hater can be won over by any cat who chooses to make the effort.
~ Paul Corey, Do Cats Think?

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Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many aliments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
~ Joseph Wood Crutch

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Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.
- Robertson Davies

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Way down deep we are all motivated by the same urges, Cats have the courage to live by them.
~ Jim Davis

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...the only identification that would be inscribed on any cat's collar would be 'This is the cat's cat.'
~ Elmer Davis (From "On Being Kept by a Cat")

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Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
- Missy Dizick

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We have a theory that cats are planning to take over the world, just try to look them straight in the eye....yup, they're hiding something!
~ Dog Fancy

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Those that dislike cats will be carried to the cemetery in the rain!
~ Dutch Proverb

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There is nothing in the animal world, to my mind, more delightful than grown cats at play. They are so swift and light and graceful, so subtle and designing, and yet so richly comic.

~ T S Eliot

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When a Cat adopts you there is nothing to be done about it except to put up with it until the wind changes.
~ T. S. Eliot

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In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
~ English Proverb

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A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays.
~ English and American Proverb

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Whenever the cat of the house is black
The lasses of lovers will have no lack.
~ Old English proverb

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In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have never forgotten this.

~ Unknown

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Curiosity did not kill the cat, I got him with the lawnmower.

~ Unknown

***

p.s. If you have read thus far, you must at least respect/admire cats? I have been searching for a poem we were forced to learn at school. I only got as far as the first verse-and-a-bit, i.e.

"The Tortoiseshell cat
She sits on the mat
as gay as a sunflower, she.
In orange and pink\
you see her blink
Her ears are white
and her nose is pink
and her eyes are green as the sea.

But all is vanity, all the way
sunset's coming
and close of day.
And every cat's in the twilight's grey.
Every solitary cat.

The Tortoiseshell cat
she sits on the mat
and her name is Josephine...."

...and that's it. The rest is a blank. Can anyone give me the name of the author, title, anything?

29 January 2003

Thanks to Mamalade, 'Josephine' has turned up:-

THE TORTOISESHELL CAT
The Tortoiseshell cat
She sits on the mat
As gay as a sunflower, she;
In orange and black you see her blink,
And her waistcoat's white, and her nose is pink
And her eyes are green of the sea.

But all is vanity, all the way;
Twilight's coming and close of day,
And every cat in the twilight's gray,
Every possible cat.*

The tortoiseshell cat
She is smooth and fat,
And we call her Josephine,
Because she weareth upon her back
This coat of colors, this raven black,
This red of the tangerine.

But all is vanity, all the way;
Twilight follows the brightest day,
And every cat in the twilight's gray,
Every possible cat."

~ Patrick Reginald Chalmers (first published in Punch magazine, 4 March 1914)
***

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