Hotel Announcements ♣ winnie caw 2002
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Firstly, rest assured, the hotel has your well-being at heart....

THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. UNDER THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE

***

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID

Room sign in a Japanese Hotel.

***

IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT

In an hotel.

***

WE SLEEP WITH YOU. ANYTHING YOU NEED ALL NIGHT, JUST DIAL 9

Sign in an Italian Hotel room.

***

THE MUSEUM IS BUILDING NOW - SORRY FOR THE VISITOR

War museum on the River Kwai, Thailand.

***

PATATO SOAP WITH GARBAGE

CHICKEN TO DESPISE

RED WIND/WHITE WIND

Asian Restaurant offers

***

SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY

Bastani Cafe in Bombay

***

Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

Tokyo Hotel

***

Please to bathe inside the tub.

Japanese Hotel room

***

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

Leipzig elevator

***

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

Belgrade Hotel elevator

***

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Athens Hotel

***

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Yugoslavian Hotel

***

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

Notice to skiers staying at an Austrian Hotel

***

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Polish Hotel menu

***

For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Hong Kong supermarket

***

Ladies may have a fit upstairs

Hong Kong tailor shop.

***

BROKEN ENGLISH SPOKEN FLUENTLY

Mexican Restaurant

***

SPECIALISTS IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES

Written on Doctor's nameplate in Rome.

***

SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM

In a restaurant.

***

FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN

In a fur shop.

***

OUR WINES LEAVE NOTHING TO HOPE FOR

In a restaurant, again.

***

IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR BEST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER

In an hotel, again

***

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE

Restaurant, yet again.

***

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS

An offer difficult to refuse.

***

PLEASE DO NOT FOOD THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

In a Budapest zoo.

***

LADIES! LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY HAVING A GOOD TIME!

Sign in a Japanese drycleaner's.

***

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS

In a Bangkok drycleaner's.

***

DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING

Outside a Paris dress shop.

***

ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION

In a Rhodes tailor shop.

***

THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

From the Soviet Weekly.

***

A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS

In an East African newspaper.

***

TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS

Advertisement for a Hong Kong dentist.

***

A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION HAS BEEN PLAYED

Translation in a Russian chess book.

***

TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS - WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency.

***

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand.

***

GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong.

***

STOP: DRIVE SIDEWAYS!

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan.

***

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN

In a Bangkok temple

***

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS

In a Tokyo bar.

***

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge.

***

OUR NYLONS COST MORE THAN COMMON, BUT YOU'LL FIND THEY ARE BEST IN THE LONG RUN

Shop in Japan

***

WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLE THE PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR

From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo.

***

THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PIECE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE

Italian Hotel brochure.

***

AS FOR THE TRIPES SERVES YOU AT THE HOTEL MONOPOL, YOU WILL BE SINGING ITS PRAISE TO YOUR CHILDREN AS YOU LIE ON YOUR DEATHBED

Polish tourist brochure

***

A SPORTS JACKET MAY BE WORN AT DINNER, BUT NO TROUSER

French Hotel.

***

EXTRACT OF FOWL, PEACHED OR SUNNYSIDE UP

French restaurant menu.

***

THE PROVISION OF A LARGE FRENCH WIDOW IN EVERY ROOM ADDS TO THE VISITORS COMFORT

Spanish Hotel advertisement.

***

TARTS OF THE HOUSE

Madrid Restaurant menu.

***

PEOPLE WILL LEFT THE ROOM AT MIDDAY OF TOMORROW IN PLACE OF NOT WHICH WILL BE MORE MONEY FOR HOLE DAY

Madrid Hotel.

***

DO NOT!! GAMBLING.

Bangkok Restaurant.

***

BE WARE OF YOUR STEP!

Government museum.

***

ENJOY AND RELAXING MASSAGE

Sign in Hotel.

***

RESERVATIONS: SHOULD BE MADE IN ADVANCE BEFORE

Sign in Hotel.

***

FRIED RICE WITH PEPPERS AND THE WAY YOU LICK IT

Restaurant menu.

***

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SMOKING EXCEPT IN SMOKING ROOMS ONLY

Bangkok airport (Arrivals)

***

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK
Paris hotel elevator

***

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
In the lobby of an hotel in Moscow, situated opposite a Russian Orthodox church

***

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THE PURPOSE
Zurich hotel

***

COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Japanese hotel air conditioner booklet

***

FIRE! IT IS WHAT CAN DOING, WE HOPE. NO FEAR. NOT OURSELVES. SAY QUICKLY TO ALL PEOPLE COMING UP DOWN EVERYWHERE A PRAYER. ALWAYS IS A CLERK. HE IS ASSURED OF SAFETY BY EXPERT MEN WHO ARE IN THE BAR FOR TELEPHONE FOR THE FIGHTERS OF THE FIRE TO COME OUT.
Rome hotel

***

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Sign at the entrance to a campsite in Germany

***

TO STOP THE DRIP, TURN COCK TO RIGHT.
Finnish washroom sign

***

SWIMMING IS FORBIDDEN IN THE ABSENCE OF THE SAVIOUR
French swimming pool

***

and, finally, two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

ENGLISH WELL TALKING

HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN

************

Handy Latin Phrases

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sona si latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Vacca Foeda!
Stupid Cow!

Re vera, cara mea, mea nil refert.
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur
ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept
crags.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem.
Stand aside, little people! I'm here on official business.

(At a poetry reading)
Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Tuis pugis pignore!
You bet your bippy!

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

Neutiquam erro.
I am not lost.

Solum potestis prohibere ignes silvarum.
Only you can prevent forest fires.

Ita erat quando hic adveni.
It was that way when I got here.

Sic hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis
propinquus ades.
If you can read this bumper sticker, you are very well educated and much too
close.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

You can't say that in Latin.
Illiud Latine dici non potest.

**********

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