Bikes are Better than Women (or Men) winnie caw 2002
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1. You can fit a steering damper if your bike is a bit of a slapper.

2. You get a manual with your bike to understand how it works.

3. You do not have to change your rubber for every ride.

4. Your bike will not think you are a pervert if you want to chain it up at night.

5. You can trade in your old model for a new one as often as you like without paying huge legal bills.

6. Stripping your bike is legal in public.

7. It likes going to race meetings.

8. Your bike will not mind if you ride another model.

9. You can ride twins without upsetting anyone.

10. If your bike blows a fuse it will not spend the entire weekend going on about what caused it.

11. You do not have to be a film star to get a top model.

12. If you do not like the look of your bike you can buy cosmetic improvements much more cheaply than you can plastic surgery.

13. You can leave your bike outside the pub for as long as you like and it will not complain.

14. You only have to flick one switch to turn on your bike.

15. When your bike gets old it becomes a classic - and even more desirable.

16. Bikes do not fake headaches when you are ready for some action.

17. If you fancy your best mates model you can buy one just like it.

18. Your bike looks as good first thing in the morning as it does the night before.

19. Your bike gets ready quicker.

20. Your friends are more likely to be impressed if it is your bike which scratches all day.

21. If you are feeling lazy, it is OK to pay another man to service your bike.

22. Your bike can be really dirty - but you can still take it home to meet your parents.

23. You can let your mates ride your bike so they can see how good it is.

24. You do not have to reach to the top shelf to find the pictures of bikes you really want to see.

25. Both you and your mate can ride your bike at the same time, and nobody will bat an eyelid.

26. Bikes do not need a new paint job every morning.

27. You can buy a silencer for your bike.

28. You get street cred if you ride a fat old hog.

29. You can get down on one knee on your bike without having to make a lifetime commitment.

30. It is an advantage if your bike has a spare tyre.

31. It is easy to firm up a saggy front or rear end on a bike.

32. If your bikes rear end gets out of shape your mates are likely to be impressed.

33. Bikes are always happy to be loaded up with all your luggage.

34. You can get a warranty with your bike so if anything goes wrong in the first two years you can get it sorted.

35. Bikes do not mind you staring at other bikes.

36. Your mates will be impressed if your bike's a bit of a beast.

37. It is OK to fantasise about being on a different bike when you are out for a blast.

38. Bikes usually come with a book telling you their service history.

39. Your bike will never complain about the way it is ridden.

40. A bike might shake its head but it never gets a headache.

41. A Bike never argues about going out in any kind of weather.

***

Why bikes are better than men

1. Bikes do not moan when they have to wear a protective cover.

2. You can get your leg over a bike and it is turned on instantly.

3. A bike's lubrication does not go all over the place.

4. If you dump your bike it does not keep phoning.

5. A naked bike looks fantastic.

6. Bikes do not whinge when you tug their throttles a bit too hard.

7. Bikes do not expect a cooked breakfast in the morning.

8. Bikes do not fart, burp, or snore.

9. A bike always satisfies.

10. Bikes do not mind going shopping and they will happily wait while you try on one more frock.

11. Your bike can go all night without stopping.

12. Your bike does not expect you to cook and wash for it.

13. If your bikes rubber splits you do not have to take a 'morning after' pill.

14. You always know exactly when your bike is.

15. You can tighten your bikes nuts whenever you feel it is necessary.

16. Bikes do not ask to be ridden when you are not in the mood.

17. You can ride your bike without the risk of getting pregnant.

18. You can change your riding style without arousing suspicion.

19. Your bike does not wander off when you leave it somewhere.

20. A bike gets there at the same time as you.

21. Bikes do not need you to go to the Police station when they are locked up for the night.

22. Your bike does not want one more pint when you want to go home.

23. It is cheaper to get your bike tanked up than your man.

24. Your bike does not go limp when it is not in use.

25. You only have to ride your bike when you feel like it.

26. You do not get called a tart if you want to give your bike a good rub down in public.

27. You can buy trick bits to make your bike go faster.

28. You can get small bikes with excellent power and performance.

29. You can get the front end of your bike up with one twist of your wrist.

30. You can wear knee sliders when riding your bike to protect against carpet burns.

31. A bike does not shrink when it gets cold.

32. Your bike's guaranteed to have a big end.

33. Unlike men, mini motorbikes do not think that they are R1's.

34. You can ride as many bikes as you can handle and not be called a slapper.

35. You can ride a bike at any time of the month.

36. When you ride your bike you do not need to fake how much fun you are having or tell it how good it was afterwards.

37. Bikes only leave skid marks on the road.

38. If your bike has a noisy bottom end, you can do something about it without having to get rid of the bike.

39. You can still ride your bike when it is completely tanked up.

40. Your bike does not complain about your riding, or the way you park it.

41. Bikes do not complain when you choose to play with a computer instead of taking them for a ride.

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