Actor Quotations ♠© winnie caw 2002
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There were three things that Chico was always on - a phone, a horse or a broad.

~ Groucho Marx

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Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing.

~ Ralph Richardson

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

~ Sam Goldwyn

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The play was a great success, but the audience was a total failure.

~ Oscar Wilde

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She took her curtain-calls as though she had just been un-nailed from the cross.

~ NoŽl Coward

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This business is dog eat dog and nobody is gonna eat me.

~ Sam Goldwyn

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[critic's review of the film 'Ben-Hur']

Loved Ben, hated Hur.

~ Anon

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Nowadays Mitchum doesn't so much act as point his suit at people.

Russell Davies

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It was a cute picture. They used the basic story of Wuthering Heights and worked in surfriders.

~ Neil Simon, 'Last of the Red Hot Lovers', 1970

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We are paid to have dirty minds.

~ John Trevelyan [when film censor]

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Wet, she was a star - dry, she ain't.

~ Joe Pasternak (of the swimmer turned actress, Esther Williams)

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This might have been good for a picture - except it has too many characters in it.

~ Wilson Mizner (of the L A phone directory)

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Never let the bastard back in my room again - unless I need him.

~ Sam Goldwyn

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Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

~ Billy Wilder (attrib.)

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There was laughter in the back of the theatre, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

~ George S Kaufmann

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I am suing Lord Beaverbrook for libel and hope for some lovely tax-free money in damages. He has very conveniently told some lies about me.

~ Evelyn Waugh

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I dislike censorship. Like an appendix it is useless when inert and dangerous when active.

~ Maurice Edelman

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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

~ Groucho Marx (attrib.)

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The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.

~ Sam Goldwyn

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I wanna be just like you...all I need is a lobotomy and some tights.

~ Judd Nelson to Emilio Estevez, 'The Breakfast Club', 1985

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A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

~ Sam Goldwyn

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Lillian Gish may be a charming person, but she is not Ophelia. She comes on stage as if she had been sent for to sew rings on the new curtains.

~ Mrs Patrick Campbell

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I see your schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.

~ Rick Moranis to Bill Pullman, 'Spaceballs', 1987

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Whenever Mrs Kissel breaks wind, we beat the dog.

~ Max Showlater to Dudley Moore, '10', 1979

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Are we having fun yet?

~ Carol Burnett, 'Four Seasons', 1981

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That poor man. He's completely unspoiled by failure.

~ NoŽl Coward

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I'll have what she's having.

~ Estelle Reiner, 'When Harry Met Sally', 1989

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Ya wanna dance or would you rather just suck face?

~ Henry Fonda to Katharine Hepburn, 'On Golden Pond', 1981

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Try the cock, Albert. It's a delicacy, and you know where it's been.

~ Helen Mirren, 'The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover', 1990

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God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

~ Lynn Redgrave, 'Georgy Girl', 1966

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I have to go now. I'm having an old friend for dinner.

~ Anthony Hopkins, 'Silence of the Lambs', 1990

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[when asked what he looked for in a film script]

Days off.

~ Spencer Tracy

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You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.

~ Michael Wilding

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[on being asked how old he was]

I am just turning forty and taking my time about it.

~ Harold Lloyd

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Once you've been really bad in a movie, there's a certain kind of fearlessness you develop.

~ Jack Nicholson

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When I grow up, I still want to be a director.

~ Steven Spielberg

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I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

~ Bob Hope

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All my shows are great. Some of them are bad. But they are all great.

~ Lord Grade

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Behind the phoney tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

~ Oscar Levant

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Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it.

~ C P Scott

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It is astonishing how articulate one can become when alone and raving at a radio. Arguments and counter arguments, rhetoric and bombast flow from one's lips like scurf from the hair of a bank manager.

~ Stephen Fry, 'Paperweight', 1992

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[to an actor]

My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

~ NoŽl Coward

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Gary Cooper and Greta Garbo may be the same person. Have you ever seen them together?

~ Ernst Lubitsch

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My brain? It's my second favorite organ.

~ Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman, 'Sleeper', 1973

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I suppose you know you have a wonderful body. I'd like to do it in clay.

Lola Albright to Kirk Douglas, 'Champion', 1949

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It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

~ Bob Hope

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Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

~ Ernie Kovacs

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Television is simultaneously blamed, often by the same people, for worsening the world and for being powerless to change it.

~ Clive James, 'Glued to the Box', 1991

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I told you 158 times I cannot stand little notes on my pillow. "We are out of cornflakes, F.U." It took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar. It's not your fault, Felix: it's a rotten combination that's all.

~ Walter Matthau to Jack Lemmon, 'The Odd Couple', 1968

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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!

~ Woody Allen, 'Play it Again Sam, 1972

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The only question I ever ask a woman is: What time is your husband coming home?

~ Paul Newman to Patricia Neal, 'Hud', 1963

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